If you are a fan of Orange is the New Black, today’s story will make a lot of sense to you. Strip clubs and women’s prisons apparently have a number of similarities.

Chief among them is the propensity of women (and perhaps humanity in general) to self-segregate by race and ethnicity. At my club, I’ve learned, we’ve got the Cubans, the Puerto Ricans, the Mexicans, the blacks and about three white girls.

Saturday evening, there was an issue with all seven of the Cuban dancers flocking around the table of one client, spending hours there and not drinking anything despite the client’s willingness to foot the bill.

Rocco, my manager, felt the need to address the issue. He brought over a translator and told the Cubans, very clearly, that they needed to start ordering more drinks.

There exists, probably in perpetuity, a constant clash between the managers, who want the dancers to run up a large alcohol bill to benefit the club, and the dancers, who have no desire to dance drunkenly on a pole onstage in stripper shoes.

A few minutes later, Rocco returned to the Cubans’ table to find a lone drink sitting in the middle. One dancer looked at him defiantly and declared, “One Red Bull. We share.”

Cubans: 1 

Club: 0 

[Note: A number of you have suggested that I turn these stories into a blog or a book of short stories, and I have to say how much I appreciate your enthusiasm! All the positive feedback I’ve gotten so far is definitely keeping this going! However, at the moment, I’m not sure I’ll be staying at this job. While it’s a goldmine of interesting stories, I’m not really making enough money to justify continuing to work there. I’m evaluating my options, and if I decide to say, I’m definitely gonna blog about it. If/when I do, I promise you’ll be the first to know. Thanks for your love and support, all you twisted people!]